As a couples therapist, my first goal in working with couples is to begin to make sense of what is happening between you. Until we all understand what is happening, we cannot begin to determine the deeper underlying causes. From an Emotionally Focused perspective, it is useful to understand the role each partner plays in the relationship as a step to map out the dynamic.  A common dynamic that emerges with couples is a pursuer-withdrawer tension. One partner emerges as a pursuer and the other partner as the withdrawer. The pursuer longs for more connection, more “we-ness” and contact with

Listening to assertions of unfairness can be a daily occurrence for relationship therapists. Whether it is about household chores, how a decision was made, or how one’s partner reacts to them when angry, feelings of injustice are ubiquitous in close relationships.  At first glance, the concept of fairness can seem quite straightforward.  In a narrow situation within a time-limited relationship, a fair outcome or fair procedure can be identified, and the participants can move on after the event. However, when it comes to long-term intimate relationships, perspectives on what is fair or unfair are complex and not easily resolved. Perceived

Given all the stressors of the past few years, seeing and connecting with family this holiday season may be a welcome relief. For others, it is an overwhelming and anxiety-inducing prospect. Whatever end of that continuum you fall on, one thing is certain – the pandemic has amplified so much in our relationships: the good, the bad and the ugly. For those of us who are dreading the in-person or virtual holiday gathering, how can we endure and get through it intact, and maybe even find some positive in it? Below are some tips and tricks to empower you to

When some couples begin the therapy process, they want me to spare them the time, money, and agony of opening up their relationship for examination. If I would just tell them if it will be “worth the effort” then they could decide if they want to engage.  They are scared, understandably so, that their vulnerability and pain will be exposed, their wounds reopened, and the closeness, reassurance and love that they are longing for from their partner will never materialize.  There is probably some measure of ambivalence in every couple that begins therapy for that very reason.  It is a

Couple therapy is really really hard. Some couples might even call it excruciating at times. Why? Because it means taking the riskiest of risks, opening yourself up to find out the answers to some of these difficult questions: Am I truly loveable? Do I really count and matter to you? Will you ever be able to forgive me fully and trust me again? Can I forgive you and open my heart again to trust you? Some partners have never learned how to accept, convey or give love in honest and vulnerable ways. For those who have not been lucky enough

My approach to psychotherapy is grounded in my belief that we are all doing the best we can at any given moment.  But when our best at a given time falls below our self-expectations, we can be left feeling confused, sad, afraid, angry and ashamed.  My curiosity lies in determining what has interfered in that space between who we want to be and how we are behaving, feeling and thinking in the present. Often, what has interfered is intimately tied to difficulties in our relationships with family, friends, partners, and colleagues.  As social beings, we are built for connection. We

Couples therapy is a step towards improving your relationship and your life. A healthy relationship, in which each partner feels loved, understood and supported, is intimately tied to one’s overall life satisfaction. The converse is true as well: an unhappy relationship can impact all areas of one’s life. It adds stress, anger, sadness and distractions. Many couples can recall a happier time and are sometimes confused as to how they have landed in disconnection and pain.  Some of the reasons couples seek treatment with me include: loss of intimacy (sexual and emotional) communication problems infidelity financial disagreements and betrayals illness

Collaborating with organizations and groups is a passion of mine. I have conducted presentations and workshops for mental health professionals, non-profit organizations, groups re-entering the workforce, allied health professionals, teachers, and trainees. Topics have included: Promoting resilience after trauma The impact of trauma on youth Money and psychotherapy: helping clinicians address this taboo topic with clients Preventing burn-out in the workplace Mindfulness at work Recovering from vicarious trauma Navigating difficult relationships at work Attachment Theory: Implications for student-teacher relationships Connection and discipline for caregivers Get in touch if you are interested in discussing your group’s presentation or workshop needs.